Dear DMC,
You spoke about starting from Chapter 2. I was already on Chapter 10 when I found out I had to do a major rewrite. Sound familiar?
I found out about my adoption when I was 31. I was married (about to be divorced) with two small boys. That was 1984. In 1991 I found my original name. Since I had the same first name I wondered who had given it to me and why. Last year, I found out that my birthmother had named me.
In 1999, I found out that I was only half Jewish. The other half was Irish, maybe. My birth mother had been a child actress. She was 20 when I was born. These little bits and scraps are all I have, all anyone has without access to their own records. The adoption agency that currently holds my records won't tell me where she was born - not even the state. They said they couldn't even tell me where I was born if it wasn't already on my amended birth certificate.
I can't say that I felt I didn't fit into my adoptive family. I never suspected a thing. Even after I found out it didn't really hit me that I had another life, another story. The adoption didn't even feel "real" to me until I found my original name in print. My adoptive parents never told me, never discussed it, not even after I knew. My adoptive mother had passed away years before. My adoptive father denied it for years, taking whatever information he had to his grave last year.
I live in a state (Kansas) that has always allowed access to your own adoption records. Unfortunately for me, I was born and adopted in New York - and no matter what state or even what country I call my home - my records will always be subject to New York Law. I'm hoping that the next few years will see a sea of change in records access. The Internet has made it possible for a widely dispersed group of people with a common bond to band together and get the word out. We are adults - when will we be treated like adults?
Thank you for all your efforts,
Gaye
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